Man's World

I am not one of those handy man type of guys. My dad is. These two facts lead me to massive amounts of inner turmoil. I am pulled between the guilt of not making it myself and the fact that I can't really make much myself. I can make things, but I am not a natural at it. I actually really like the process, given that I know what I am doing, and that I have enough time to wrap my head around the whole project. I usually take on a couple big projects during the summer. This summer's list is to finish several indoor projects: painting the bathroom and stairway walls, building the shelves for that bathroom closet area upstairs, touching up a couple areas upstairs etc... and building either front steps, back steps and a patio area, or building a shed. All of this is very over my head. I honestly need to watch youtube videos of the whole process in order to even feel like I can attempt it. It is... to some degree... terrifying. If we had lots of money, I wouldn't think twice about hiring someone who actually know what they are doing and having them take on the big projects. But... no dough, so, here I go.

I need a sanctuary place for my mind to be at ease; someplace, that is organized and clean. It used to be my desk. It was off limits to people (Jenny) just stacking things there. Now, my desk is in my class and is accustomed to hundreds of teens throwing papers on it everyday that need correcting. Currently, in our house, my space is my downstairs work area. This is problematic, because the entire school year it sits down there kind of collecting dust and odds and ends that Jenny throws on it when she doesn't know what to do with something. (This about kills me, and is something that I think she takes secret pleasure in doing.) In short, it gets pretty scrambled down there, and I can feel it in the back of my head. Its like my head has some sort of connection to the place, and when it is messy, I can't seem to think as well.

Every summer, at the beginning of my "doing" phase, I have to clean it, top to bottom, completely spotless. Once its there, I can go. I cleaned it yesterday, and built shelves for the bathroom today. On to painting next. Then, well... then to consider the shed. Its the roof that's throwing me. I have built walls, and floors and even ceilings. I have framed doorways, and windows (all with the help of my dad of course) but the roof.... scary. Well I am sure there is somebody that built one on youtube..........

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