First Snow

It is the first snow of the winter. Henry and Nora both went outside and danced around in it after their homework was finished. First snows are magical... moreso when one owns a snow blower and hasn't recently had heart surgery. But still, the magic is there. The ground is slowly erased, covered in a blank canvas of white. The first sanders just went by. Tomorrow the world will be white, and new. The winter is here.
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on the other side

I don't have Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome anymore. I made it through. To say I was nervous would be a massive understatement. My blood pressure and pulse were through the roof. I was a nervous wreck. The hospital staff were pretty great, but the emotional turmoil of this thing nearly did me in. I am not going to give a hit by hit account of this surgery. I don't know why, maybe because I don't really want to relive it at this point. Instead, let me just give a couple of large impressions.

 I was very very nervous leading into it... however, there were times when that nervousness would disappear without explanation. I would be sitting there and my nervousness would fade into relative calm. This is so mysterious to me. I don't know if it was a result of people praying for me, or what it was, but I am thankful for those moments. Leading into the actual operation, I was very nervous until they hit me with some sort of drug that was amazing... not woozy...not weird feeling, just not nervous. I loved that medication. But it was only in me for about fifteen minutes, right before the operation itself. They put a mask on me, tilted my head back, and asked me to breathe deep. Three breaths later I was out. The next thing I remember is waking up. I was dreaming I was on the beach...umbrella, blue sky, white sands... and I realized that I was in the hospital. I opened my eyes and was in the recovery room. I tried to focus on some round light above me, but my eyes wouldn't stop moving. My mom was there, Jenny was there, and the doctor told me the operation was a success. Beautiful news that I am still not trusting to be true. I am telling myself to believe it... but I still listen for my heart to do weird things.

I stayed a long time in the recovery room. I was so dehydrated (from not being able to eat or drink the day before because of nerves) that I had to stay extra long so they could rehydrate me with IV fluid. Jenny stayed with me the whole time. My good friends came to support me, I am more grateful than I realized I would be that they came. David Gentleman came and sat with me before the operation. My mom came and Jenny came. There were others too, Ramani Fernando came and sat in the waiting room.   I even felt supported by those I work with. I don't really rely on others very often... actually not much at all. Throughout this, one of the biggest things I have learned is what that can feel like, and the comfort it can bring. I don't have a big crowd of friends, and I am truly thankful for those that I do have.

I also realized again the bond that I have with Jenny. It is so strong, one that can truly be relied on. I am now on the recovery part of this operation. My best hopes were realized, I am done with WPW. I have survived this whole deal and am surrounded by people that are meaningfully involved in my life. Life is good, and the future is bright.

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Love

Here is a list of the things I love.

1. When Henry gets excited and I can see it in his eyes.

2. When I pretend to be a zombie and Nora immediatly twirls around and rushes me, attempting to punch me in the stomach.  This is the remnant of when she was really little and would pretend to be the hulk....

3. Being up and outside early enough to be up before the birds, and walking in the silence before sunrise. 

4. Being with Jenny in the rare moments where she loses herself in what's happening around her. 

5. The smell of late fall when it gets really cold.

6. Christmas mornings.

7. Feeling my burdens roll off of me that first week of summer vacation.

8. Sitting in high backed chairs.

9. Sitting in high backed chairs in front of lit fireplaces. 

10. Getting past my nerves and feeling the power of the song I am playing.

11. The fact that my kids still sleep in the same room together.

12. The smell of melting snow in early spring.

13. When Henry spontaneously walks over, sits on my lap, and curls his head into me.

14. When Nora comes down stairs, shows me her "outfit" and purposefully waits for me to tell her how beautiful she is.

15. Being up when the rest of the house is asleep.

16. Pipe smoke

17. Winning over students that have been hurt by school...reengaging them and seeing them come back to life.

18. Ticonderoga pencils

19. Sweaters and scarves in the fall.

20. Soup in the winter

21. Haunting acoustic guitar.

22. When I first get into bed with newly washed new cotton sheets

23. The Homestead Trail on Prince Edward Island.

24. The sunlight filtering through summer leaves and that bright green that results.

25. Family on Thanksgiving

26. Being in the woods in the silence of the winter.

27. This audio recording I have of Henry when he was three and talking about swords and ske-le-tons.

28. Old wooden desks.

29. Mysterious boxes.

30. C. S. lewis'  The Magician's Nephew 

Love

The Day Before the day before

This is Puppy. It's actually Puppy II. The first Puppy was gnawed to death by infant Nora. Puppy II is identical to Puppy on all accounts, except in Henry's mind. Puppy II will never live up to Puppy. Despite my amazing luck and effort to find an identical puppy lamp when Henry was 5, Henry will never accept him as legitimate. He loves him, but in the way one loves a vacation in New Hampshire after returning from Disney. Good, but not as good. 

It is the day before the day before my surgery. I go to school tomorrow. I am nervous, but not sickeningly nervous. I am taking comfort in the fact that I over worry and I know it. Also, that this procedure is somewhat commonplace, and that mine isn't for some sort of crazy unheard of condition. I work with someone who underwent the same exact surgery. I have had students with the same condition. I am still thinking about the events of my surgery.. the IV's etc. But I am starting to see beyond that as well. 

I think everything will be ok. I think I outworried myself. I have imagined my death and the wake and all that stuff.  (I know so dramatic) In all honesty though, I have. It's not a great mental journey... Actually, I thought about some comforting things. My wife has good friends, friends that would help. I think they would even help long term. That is kind of amazing to me. Jenny, herself, is a good mother. She may not be the most patient person in the world, but she is determined and devoted. She is also dead determined to live for our kids. There really isn't anything beyond that in importance in my mind. She truly loves them more than herself. It would be bad, but ok, for me to not come back. (yup... dramatic). 

I am sure I will be coming back though. I do worry that they won't be able to cure me in the procedure. (This isn't really so dramatic.) It's happened once before remember. 5% of cases are unsuccessful. That's me. That's why I am going back. I hope this one is easy, and that I don't remember anything, and that my recovery is easy. I hope it works. I told the kids today. They barely responded... yeah.. operation... ok. It made me happy to know that that is they way they see things. Dad's going to the hospital and he's going to be sore for a little while afterward. That is the way I need to be seeing things too. 

Oh, and when I woke up this morning, the cat was sleeping in the sink... here's proof. 

Rose32

Jenny decided she wanted to go to Rose32 this morning. OH MY GOD!!! This may be the best bread/danishish type of things that I have ever eaten. We saw a segment on the place on Chronicle on channel 5. The owner moved here from San Fransisco where he had won all of these awards for bread baking. He had a major business out there, shipping all over the country, and then for some reason decided that he wanted a simpler life and moved to Hardwick. He opened this little shop that uses locally farmed and produced materials for his bread and pastries. I had high hopes for the place, and I must say, I was blown over with how good it was. It's a small shop, and most of the seating is outside. I had to sit on a bench while the rest of my family huddled around a tiny little round table.... and none of that mattered even slightly when I actually began eating the "Fresh Lemon Danish" that I had ordered. This didn't even resemble those things that pass for danishes, with the lemon yellow jelly in the middle. I couldn't actually even see jelly.... I don't think there was any. It was fresh and flaky and so very very good. Jenny had a cinnamon roll that knocked her off her feet. She said, and I totally agree, normally the gooey cinnamon/jellyish/sweet part of the pastry is the big event, but with these, the actual bread itself was amazing... the sweets were a nice afterthought. Jenny also had some sort of coffee that she said was very good... you know, if you're into coffee (not me). We took home a Baguette, and a Moroccan Olive loaf... very very good as well.

It was busy, but not overwhelming. Their hours are short... Wed through Sunday, mornings and lunch. They are less than half an hour away from here, and I will be going back. On the way home Jenny was saying how she was already planning her next trip. Those of you who know Jen will understand how good this place is by Jen's showing of enthusiasm. Jen... enthusiasm.... understand? Go to Rose32, and if I am around, take me with you.

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Trick or Treat

Tonight was trick or treat. It was postponed a couple of nights because of the hurricane. I love Halloween. We go trick or treating at Vista Circle. We park right in the beginning and then walk the huge looping neighborhoods. Henry told me that one of his favorite parts is the view. At one point, near the end of the circle, there is a great view, over the valley. All of the houses on the other side are lit up... it is really nice. I like it too.

I think that Charles Schultz really captured something of the spirit of Halloween in his classic, "Its the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown." There is something so warming about being out at night and seeing those groups of kids walking around in costume.

Henry was a jellyfish this year. His costume was a hit, and it got better as the night grew darker. (It also grew more difficult to take a decent picture of him.) I am kind of proud of making the thing. It glows blue, from about 2o glow sticks all stuck up around it. Even the halter thing I had to make took a significant amount of thinking. ( my camera strap, bag and couple of Henry's belts, coupled with a couple bar-locks.) Nora was Tinkerbell. She put up a little fight about wearing winter clothes under her outfit (Lets all hope this is not a foreshadowing of what is to come.) I had to work on her costume a bit too... just to shore up her wings a bit from drooping. She was so brave. So into the candy! It's funny the roles that they are taking on now. Henry relies on her now without even really realizing it. She is the one to ring the doorbells. He gladly walks behind her as she chooses the house to go up to....different roles.

Both kids raked in a lot of candy! We took it all out and put it into groups (one of my favorite things to do when I was a kid). They were pretty happy with their take.

"cards"

Henry has been really getting into trading cards. He has all sorts... Pokemon, Bakugon, Chaotic on and on. I think his love of these is really kind of research and categorization type of thing. The more the better.... his knowledge of mythical creatures is actually kind of staggering at this point. He is the same way with the natural world as well. He can tell you all about the many attributes of sea cucumbers and those things that are related to them. He loves to know, and to categorize. Lately we have been taking to making our own cards.

Henry loves it. I love that he loves it, and I guess I love it too, if I am honest. We are trying to fill in creatures by element. I love to see him expand like this, not only to know, but to create, let his own mind wander and see what he comes out with. There are few things as great as sitting down with Henry on a Sunday afternoon and drawing "cards."

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