We were busy today. I had a lot to do and the kids were coming with me because Jen was working. Truth be told, I usually take the kids with me anyway, but they had to come today, there was no way out. I have been wrestling with this printer (an issue that is finally resolved) and I had to return it today and wrestle with a new one. The round trip for this whole ordeal was about three hours... a long time to be in a car to be sure.
I told the kids that if they were good in the store, I would take them to Wooberry afterward. So, we went into Best buy (fifty dollars cheaper for the same printer btw than Staples) and I asked a lot of questions to a fairly knowledgable sales person. About mid way through, the kids started building up into this wrestling match. Playful, good natured, but definitely not well behaved. This culminated in them both falling on the floor as Nora completely shoved Henry into the sales guy who politely laughed as I growled at them to stop.
So, now, dilemma: Two kids, who, for the most part were very well behaved and were very patient with me and my schedule today, that violated the one set rule that I gave them regarding their reward. I am not one of those parents that bends all the time. I understand boundaries and our need for them (I do teach 8th grade after all). So, no Wooberry. The problem is this, I want to take them there, not because I especially want to go there, but because I know they want to got there. I want to do good things for them.
Grace
is a very hard thing to incorporate into parenting, and yet it is so incredibly vital. Not wishy washy parenting, but the notion that Love trumps Justice. This is a very big thing to me. It is my central belief in God. It is how I believe God looks toward me, to everyone for that matter. He loves us above all the things we do. How does that translate into parenting? It's a hard thing.
I want them to know how to find success in this world. I want them to understand how the rules work and to see themselves as successful in fulfilling the expectations set before them. And yet, I want them to know that if they fail that I am not going to stomp them into the ground. That I will still extend every good thing I can toward them.
This is the opposite of my career. I am so strict regarding late work... no makeups, no extra credit, no excuses. I want my students to know the parameters of what is good practice and what isn't. I want them to be the most successful students at their high school/colleges. I do that by enforcing the rules and helping them to meet them. So, no Wooberry.
But, I have this very deep belief, a philosophy really, that love is supreme and that every good thing I have stands directly opposed to what I deserve. Not that I am the worst guy in the world, just that, the really big things, like love, faith, hope, all of the things that people can't attain through good behavior, all of what I would consider to be the most important things, all of those things were just given to me. So yes Wooberry.
On the trip back from the store, I explained to Nora and Henry, that because of their behavior, they didn't deserve to go to Wooberry. (tears, moaning wailing) and that because I love them, I am taking them anyway. This is the best way that I can describe the love that I believe is directed toward me by God. Just given, just received, in bewilderment and with a faint feeling that either the guy giving it to me doesn't exactly understand the rules, or that I am not really fully understanding what those rules are, or in fact, that there is a set of other rules that somehow supersede the rules that I generally live by.
I liken this to C. S. Lewis' deep magic in the chronicles of Narnia... deep, big, powerful rules that form the foundation of everything and that are tragically and almost always ignored.
They are both asleep now and I am sure, are completely ignorant of the philosophical wrestling match I a had today regarding their spiritual life. I do know, however, that they enjoyed their frozen yogurts.
Good night kids, sleep well.
db
spectacular...
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