burned out

Ive been feeling a bit beaten up lately. Man, I really needed to get away. I remember in college, I used to go across a bridge that spanned the Connecticut river, and I used to feel this impulse... massive urge, to go and jump in, let the water carry me to the ocean. I am feeling that way right now. I really needed this vacation to calm me, and it didn't come through.

I need to find center... peace... silence. I deal with too many people, have too many responsibilities, not enough space to breathe. I need to be able to unravel a bit without losing the balance of my job, family, life. It's hard right now. I am going to bed, hoping to wake up a bit better. I am going to try to go out early with Chauc... maybe spend sometime breathing that early morning air.

goodnight

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Pinewood Derby

The pinewood derby is coming up this weekend. Its amazing how much my own experiences with this thing have come into play with Henry's. My dad went to great lengths to make sure that I had a great car, and now, I feel serious pressure, not bad pressure, but serious pressure to do the same. I have spent some time now working on Henry's car. Here are some pictures of the process. I didn't take one of the block of wood that it started out as. I kind of wish I had though, just to show you the complete transformation. I will put the wheels on, after some "reworking", this week. The "S2" stands for "Shark 2". Last year's car was name "The Shark." I think this model is a distinct improvement. Henry picked the colors. :)

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through sickness... and beyond!

So, this is the first day that I have felt ok after the freaking Norovirus took our house. Jenny actually got it early this morning, but the rest of us seem to be fine now. I did manage to snap some picture before I got sick, one in the midst of being sick and one this morning. So, consider this a visual tour of my last three days.

The last picture is my picture for today. I put a stand with four birdfeeders on it in our front flower garden/bush area. It has lately been attracting huge swarms of goldfinch. The kids love to watch them and I love to watch them watch them. :)

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yeah... um... quaint...

I though that tonight I would sneak outside and take a nice quaint picture of our house from the outside. Nice windows lit up... nice stars in the background... This is what I got. CREEPY!!! Well, it at least doesn't feel like a sideways tilted, scary tree backgrounded, house of the dead.

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(remember you can click on any of these pictures to get a bigger view)

In the ruins

This morning I asked Henry if he wanted to go with me for my walk with Chauc and he wrestled between wanting to play with legos, or having an "adventure." I told him we had all vacation, so no big deal. It was just he and I awake, the girls were still sleeping (typical). He eventually decided he wanted to come.

It was kind of cold, but nice. I walked him through the old ruins of several of the big buildings that used to be the Prison Camps in Rutland State Park. Maybe I will write a bit more about those later. The foundations are still impressive, even if they are super old. The best ruin is on top of the main hill in the field section of the park. It is kind of hidden in the trees. It once had a complete rounded courtyard surrounded with an iron fence. We walked all around it. Henry seemed pretty interested. I saw him taking a small rock from the foundation and hiding it in his mitten. He said he was "saving" it for later.

I love Henry. Chauc jumped in the freezing river on the way home. It was a really nice morning.

This afternoon I started carving Henry's pinewood derby car, "Shark II." I will put up a post of the whole sequence of building it later. I must say, its coming out pretty great. Henry stayed with me downstairs while I widdled away at it and smashed some geods he got for his birthday.

Life is nice around here again.

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Soup and the plague

Well, the lovely norovirus came to visit our house. Jenny and I are still waiting to see if it gets us too. Both kids came down with it. It seemed to be primarily done after about 12 hours. Not a very good 12 hours though. But here we are, ok at the end of it.

I made corn chowder. My ultimate comfort food is soup, actually, it is tomato soup with shells. When I am sick, this is what I run to. But all soup really fits that bill. I made a quick corn chowder for the kids while they were in the throws of this sickness. There is just something about the warmth, the easiness of a soup that makes things feel ok.

I am sorry about the missing couple of days in the full year sequence here, but it was pretty bad around here for a little bit. I am back though, and I have a week off for February vacation. Thank God. I needed this so bad. I only wish we were going away somewhere warm and restful. But I will take it anyway.

My big goals for this break are to get caught up in correcting, and to build the shelves for our upstairs bathroom. Maybe I will take some pictures of that in progress!

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Henry's Party

Henry had his party this weekend. It was crazy and fun, I guess the way that parties need to be for big boy 8 year olds. We divided his party up into two this year, one for friends and one for family. The family one will be in a week or two.

Henry invited 11 kids over. We don't have a big house... but it still felt fine. They were crazy loud, but its just so enjoyable to see him with his friends. So far, I really like Henry's friends. They seem a lot like him, so what's not to like right? The card in the picture was made by one friend in particular that I am happy to see him befriend. She is a girl! Yes! I love that! And she is an awesome girl, she loves all the same stuff that Henry does, as evidenced by the card she made him :).

So it was a good weekend, busy but good. It seems like every birthday in the world happens within these few weeks in February. Henry's big gift from us was a real microscope. We got it off of amazon, it is an overstocked medical microscope... the real deal. He is already completely enthused. He wanted to bring it to school, not going to happen. It's so cool to have a sciency kid. We have already looked at plant cells, spit, grasshopper parts, cotton fibers etc. I gave him his first lesson on how to care for it tonight. He is excited. Love that. All of the other gifts that his friends got him were spot on too.
Eight years old.... sheesh.... he is growing up fast.

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Jenny's nearly not there birthday

Today is Jenny's Birthday, but first let me just comment on the picture. I have all of these nice pictures that I took of Jen at the Bollywood Grill tonight (a restaurant that Henry chose to go to for his birthday supper) but there was just something about this picture that completely cracks me up! It is like some artsy mood shot! Ha!

Right, now on to the serious stuff: Jenny and I have been together forever, since her sophomore year of high school. I can't even imagine that, knowing so many sophomores. So, although we do have young kids, our relationship is anything but young. We have weathered everything that life (and each other) has thrown at us. Our marriage is so far past that honeymoon stage that I sometimes find it hard to remember it at all.

I think that relationships are like little living creatures. They grow into unique and self governing entities. What Jen and I have is our own. We cannot, and should not compare it to others, because it would only simplify what shouldn't be only quickly acknowledged. I have learned that love grows thickly underneath the surface of feelings, and when those feelings fly all over the place... almost a daily occurrence around here sometimes, it is love, something more akin to devotion and servitude than emotion, that remains steady.

It is Jenny's birthday today... and we celebrated Henry's birthday dinner at the restaurant of his choosing. I gave Jen a card, and she is going to be picking out a bike for a gift this year. But Henry's birthday was yesterday, and his party is tomorrow and between these things, I am afraid her birthday is taking a back seat. When you're young, it may seem like the worst thing in the world to have someone eclipse your birthday, but with perspective, maybe letting Henry outshine her a bit isn't so bad. I know that is the way she feels, I asked her.

That top layer of emotion just peels away after a while, and if you managed it, what might be left, is what counts: Perspective, wisdom, humility and devotion.

You are beautiful Jenny.

Happy Birthday
Dave

Henry

It's Henry's eighth birthday today and I am finding it hard to write how much he means to me. I honestly sometimes feel that it is more than other people feel about their own children. How can everybody feel love this strong. My whole life was turned on its head by him. I can't watch dramatic movies, or even trailers for movies, like that one that is out right now about the boy who lost his father in 911. I literally had to leave the living room when the commercial for it showed.

I wake up every morning to see him. I get him off of the bus everyday. I sit with him everyday and do his homework with him. I ask about what he has learned in school. We sit together every night for dinner. I read to him every night before bed. I sit on his bed and close his day, and after he is asleep, I check every night .... honestly.... to make sure he is still there, breathing, ok. I have never known this kind of love. Its changed everything about me. I even think that maybe I am going overboard, that maybe it can be too much, that it is unhealthy. I need to give him room to breathe, to be himself. And I do, as much as I can bear.

I know that he will, at times, rebel. He will need me to back off. And I will, but I want you to know Henry, if you ever read this, that it will be an act of supreme will power, one that I can't see myself being capable of right now, that will allow me to let you push away.

But for now, when you sit next to me on the couch and naturally feel the need to push in close to me, and put your face in front of mine because you have a question about what super powers Green Arrow has, or what pokemon I like better, or to ask me every question that you can think of about microbial life, that it is the best thing I have ever experienced, and that my life has been remade in knowing you.

Happy eighth birthday Henry

Dad

My soul must feel like crap...

So the eyes are the windows of the soul huh? Well mine must be encrusted in phlegm and riddled with red throbbing veins. I have been sick. I actually stayed home the day before yesterday. I took a couple pictures but didn't have the strength to post. I hate being sick. I actually thought I might make it through this winter without getting sick... but here I am.

I also lost my voice, not a great thing for an english teacher to lose. I have to say though, most of my students were so nice and caring, and really helpful.

I am feeling a tiny bit better. I am back on track as far as pictures go.

Both of our kids had someone throw up in their classes today. That, is the last thing this family needs. Sickness is really awful, in all of its variety and nastiness. Maybe someday we will be free of it.

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Superbowl smuperbowl

Yeah... so we lost the superbowl. If I've learned anything at all, its to not give someone else the ability to dictate whether you are happy or not. Even if that person is Tom Brady. :)

Besides, I have three super bowls, one of buffalo wings, one of maple wings (that were absolutely amazing by the way) and one of celery and carrot sticks...

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Deep in the woods

This morning I took Chaucer for our walk. I have this route that I sometimes take if I am up for a bit more hiking than normal. It is an amazing route through Rutland State Park. It goes far off of the main road and winds down a couple little known, older dirt roads. The whole park is barricaded off for the winter, but these roads are always closed, so normally people don't walk them.

The route is beautiful. It winds past beaver brooks and into deep pine forests. It eventually leads up a very large hill, large enough to give a view of the surrounding land, that had at one point been cleared for a beautiful farmstead. All of the buildings in the park were torn down, but the field stone foundations remain, and this one is spectacular. It is curved and huge and completely surrounded by massive old maples. Normally I turn around here and head back and the trip takes a couple of hours to walk. Today however, I decided to follow my friend Henry Thoreau's advice, and head off of the beaten path.

I met a guy up on this hill once. It was weird, I had no idea he was there. He just walked out of the woods and said hi. He was kind of funny in an odd way. But he said that he knew a way that the route circled back to the main road. It really was because of the quote that I mentioned a couple of posts back that I decided to try to find the way. I walked to the end of the road, and then kept walking.

Soon, a path opened up and wound its way up to the true peak of the hill and then back down in to the deep woods. There were no real animals out. It was really quiet, but, there were no bugs either... so I call that a win. I walked following this winding path for over an hour into the woods. Most of the time I could follow it, but a couple of times I had my doubts. It was really reassuring to have Chaucer with me though, not because he would protect me.... mostly because I am pretty sure he would get eaten first :) A couple things of interest, I kept on finding coyote scat on many of the prominent rocks in the path, I bet they do that to mark the path, (see the pic) and I also spooked a pack of deer that had been feeding. At first I thought it was a moose and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a bit freaked out. But they moved in complete silence through the trees and were gone. Chaucer, had no clue... obviously.

Eventually the path lead out to some powerlines and then out to the main road. It has been a very long time since I have been in the woods by myself without a clue as to where I was heading. It was beautiful, and really rewarding. And, now I have a circle that I can follow whenever I have a spare few hours. I am posting several pictures from the hike below. In one you can see the narrowed path. This was when it was most visible. In another you can kind of see how big the maples by that house were. The picture doesn't nearly capture it. All in all it was a really beautiful morning.

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Too late

I have been feeling squashed lately. I know how the school year goes, for me at least. This time of year is tough. Its hard on my students and on me. I honestly think that February vacation might be more important than summer break...

I seem to be dealing with things by staying up way too late. Its too late to be doing this....going to bed.

you are what you eat

A little while ago, another pic a day blogger that I am friends with posted a picture like this. She was inspired by Mark Menjivar in a segment that she heard on NPR on hunger and refrigerators as portraiture. I love this idea, and immediately told her that I would steal it. So, here it is... stolen. I would link you to her blog, but she is doing it on facebook and it is therefore private to some degree I think. At any rate, her name is Ashley Shirley, and she is a great writer and photojournaler.

So here is my fridge, exposed, uncleaned, in its natural state. (Jen is probably going to have my head...) See what you will. btw, the green bowl is filled with soba noodles and cilantro chicken that Jen made. The best thing I have had in a good long time. ;)

Boo

Well... tonight's ghost hunters night. It was actually a pretty good one. It actually had me kinda spooked! I have watched this show for quite sometime actually. I still don't know if I believe in the whole thing. I would hate to think that I was being duped by, of all things, the sci fi channel.

Seriously though, ghosts... what do you think? I think that as believers in any religion that involves some form of spirituality, we have to consider their possibility. One of my favorite authors of all time, C. S. Lewis, contended that we are mostly spirit. I love that thought. So, who knows. Maybe some of us do hang back here for some reason of another. Who can understand or navigate waters that we can't see. I have known some very believable and trustworthy people that have some seriously intense stories. As far as personal experience, I have none really. But I have never been scuba diving either and I believe the stories of the people who have.

I guess I am choosing not to know, to be ok with thinking about it, considering the possibilities.

btw, did you like my spooky doll picture? haha...

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