I had totally different plans for this picture today, but my morning walk was just about as beautiful as it gets. I went with Henry and Chauc.
Also, I know it is only supposed to be a picture a day, but I thought that the three captured it better. The birds are Cedar Waxwings and House Finches. Pretty little things.
You can click on any of the pictures on my page to get a bigger view btw.
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They have been this way forever. And even though they fight during the day, and jealousies rage all over the place, this is what it comes down to. Nora actually went to bed in her own room, something that has just recently started happening, maybe a week ago. She normally sleeps on a little mattress that we pull out next to Henry's bed. But they stay up so late talking to each other that I had to make a three strike rule. Three strikes and they sleep in different bedrooms, but I woke this morning to find her right back where she feels safe.
And I must say, I do love that.
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briliant
hanging
reminders
of what just passed
clinging
to bare
memories
red, green, blue
shining lamely
our hopes
for better things
to come
I am home right now. Sitting next to Henry and hearing him work through his math homework for the week.
"The petting zoo had 6 goats, 2 sheep, 1 pony, and 1 calf. How many animals were in the petting zoo?"
He wrote "9." ... missed it by one... I'll tell him in a second.
Nora is watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in the other room.
The dishwasher is making watery mechanical sounds.
Chaucer is at the door outside (better go let him in).
Both the bike that Henry got last Christmas and the one that Nora just got for her birthday are sitting ready to go in our living room. They just finished riding them in endless circles around the inside of the house. Henry got pissed because Nora is already a better rider than he is.
Ramses and Saul (our two cats) are curled up on my bed upstairs.
There are paperwhites growing on the window next to me in memory of my Grandma Bronson who recently passed away.
I never really thought I would get here. We don't have a big house, its a little white cape. A student I taught that lives down the street called it a "tiny, cute, little, white house." I told her that was too many adjectives.
It is surrounded by untamed woods on pretty much all sides. I still have yet to build up the courage to use a chainsaw. I have only tried once and the thing got bound up in the tiny little tree I was cutting down, and as it fell on top of me, knocking me to the ground (it was surprisingly heavy) it also broke the chain on my saw. I have never really got around to getting another one, or building my pride back up enough to try again.
( just told Henry that he got it wrong... he took it like a trooper. He's now spelling the words "World, something and different" by sound.)
There are comforts here. I still am looking for the overwhelming peace that I thought would come with owning a home. There is a lot of stress that I wasn't expecting. But I do like having this thing that I can mold as I see fit, or ruin as it may be.
Henry is done now, and Nora and he are riding in their circles again, right through the closet that I tore down to make a hallway, through the livingroom and what used to be the wall that divided the two bedrooms that we had downstairs before I built the upstairs ones, past the endtable that used to be red before I painted it blue and then painted it again a light tan color, (we still call it the "blue thing") past the new/old piano that we bought about a year ago and that I moved for the corner to be open for the christmas tree that we cut down at a neighbor's house and set up a month ago, and past the blocks that sit on top of it, that the McRells, our close friends, gave us that spell out H O M E.
I hold an amazing and amazingly strange job. I have tried to explain the complexity of what I do several times and have never really been able to capture it. I think that the reason for this is that we have all been on the receiving end. We were all students at one point or another, and we think that our experience as students some how equates to what a teacher does. I can tell you that for several serious reasons, it doesn't. Not the least of these is that teaching has changed so drastically since I have become one. For example, I have never taught a single lesson from a text book. Actually, I have never even opened one in class. I am pretty sure, that is all that my teachers in high school ever did... the face of teaching and academia is changing fast and is racing to improve, making it a boiling pot of pressure and stress, and also rewards.
There are things to love about teaching, and things that make you want to hide under rocks. I guess that is the same for any career. But it seems that both sides of that equation are magnified in teaching. For example, I absolutely love working with kids and the rewards that come from benefitting them in their education are really priceless. I can go home most days knowing that I made the world directly around me a better place. That really is saying something.
One of the most frustrating aspects of teaching completely blindsided me. The "public" aspect of this job is incredible. I never thought that teaching is holding a public office and is really given to the whims of public opinion. I simply don't function that way. I am not a politician and I have no aspirations or skills in that arena. Even now, writing in this blog, I am monitoring my words because they are being made known to the public and may be levered against me someday. In my eight years of teaching, I really have never had that happen to me, but I see it all the time.
I could go on about the pay, but that is pretty commonly known. The only oar that I will dip in here is that most people see teaching as a job with tons of vacation time. Teaching has no vacation time. We are never paid for our vacations, not even one day. We, instead, are forced to take time off without pay. How many people would like to see that in their careers. "Hey have a couple weeks off for some down time, but yeah, we aren't going to pay you for those. OK?"
I have worked at many places in my life. I came to teaching late: in my thirties. I love what I do. I really love it. But it is in no way easy. In the eight years I have been a teacher, I have never had a year when at least one of the teachers around me hasn't left or been let go for some reason or another. It is a complex and high stress job for far less than average pay.
Well, I guess that that is a good first foray into that arena. I didn't really even touch the complexities of it all, but I feel that that could go on for far too long for one post. I love what I do, in all of its difficulty and satisfaction. It is a wrestling match with the now for the future and I do love that fight.
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We wear these hats. Mine is just as orange but it has a visor. Henry and I picked them out together at Klems, seriously, my favorite store of all time. It's in Spencer. I have found both fox scat spray and crystal, floating fairies in the same trip. Also, they give out free popcorn every time we visit. That, is pretty big with the kids.... and Jenny.
So, we picked out these hats because sometimes Henry will wake up early enough to go for my walk with Chaucer. I go before school, when it is light enough and on the weekends. We walk for about an hour, although today it was more like two. Chaucer becomes an entirely different dog. For those of you that haven't met him, he is the chillest, less-than-a-year old chocolate lab puppy you have ever met. I seriously don't think he will bother to move at all when he gets older. But, take him out for a walk in Rutland State Park and everything changes.
He has this little jingle bell thingy that I put on his collar to scare away bears (don't laugh, I have come face to face with that and worse in that park). As soon as he hears me pick them up, the change ensues. I bring a collar, but I don't put it on him unless we meet other people with dogs. He blasts around the open fields, dives straight into the water, chases every available bird/rabbit/coyote/stick that he can find. Then when we get home, he completely collapses, and that's it for the day.
Henry loves it. There is something seriously amazing about seeing him in his element. He literally dives into the water.
So, we follow him, in our orange hats and I look for birds, and Henry swats things with sticks and breaks the ice on the surface of puddles.
This is why I don't live in the city.
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So this is a beginning of sorts. Maybe introductions are in order. I will be as succinct as possible here.
My intentions.
I am going to try to take one picture every day this year and write a little. I am also going to try to streamline this whole thing by only taking one draft/picture every day (no multiple attempts and massive editing). And I promise that whatever picture I post will be taken that day... no hoarding pictures and then releasing them.
I hope that this will help me to think before hand and not spend forever trying to edit out mistakes. Mistakes happen, I intend to let them.
My Writing.
So this is me. One solid year of photos and thoughts. I have ideas for this, some of them are kind of crazy and will ask for a bit of bravery. Some might be boring. I guess I am equal parts both so it is to be expected.
My Goal.
Why would I tie myself to something like this? Well, I have seen a couple of these done in the past and I just love the outcome. One solid year of my life, with all of the ups and downs recorded nicely here. I want to tap into some creativity here. I have been feeling a little dry and I want to flow again. I want to be honest, so you can expect that. I am 40, and I am feeling maybe a little melancholy. I am hoping to gather my thoughts and this seems like an exciting way to do that.
