The last of Christmas

Tonight was our Bronson family Christmas. We had to postpone it because of Jenny's work schedule this year. She has to work every other holiday, and this one fell on Christmas day. Still, that morning wasn't so bad, she was here for opening gifts and eventually had to leave around 10:00. It felt a bit odd. this year.. postponing and drawing out Christmas like that. Mom made a ham dinner, my sister and her family were there. It was a good time.

The kids are finally done with presents... it seemed especially long this year. We can all finally calm down and relax a bit. They are watching Arthur right now.

Tomorrow is the last day of this blog. Tomorrow....

Well, that is that for now. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Birthday Party

It is tough to have your birthday so close to Christmas. Nora's birthday was nice, small and nice. It was even smaller than normal because we decided to separate her birthday into a friends birthday and a family birthday. Today was her family birthday. I made a pretty good rendition of Madeline for her cake. It has been something of a challenge for me to keep up with the kids cakes as they get older. We never buy them cakes. Jen makes one from scratch and I decorate it.... actually, I am kind of proud of this one.

Nora has been a little over excited. Its funny, its like she doesn't know how to deal with herself. She has been doing things that are out of her character. She was very very excited for today. She is deciding how to act like a six year old. She is so different from Henry, she is very aware of who she is. Henry can be kind of clueless as to what his responsibilities are and...well... the world around him in general. Nora is the complete opposite.

She was really happy to be turning six, for the simple reason that she knew that getting older and what would come with that. Smart.

After the party our friend Anna came over for a visit. This is a rare treat. Anna is a linguist working with the Cameroon people of Africa. She is mapping out the Ipoulo language for the first time so she can translate the gospel into their own language. Their language is completely unwritten... so it is a big challenge. Jen was great friends with Anna in high school and it came as a surprise to all of us that this became her lot in life. She wasn't prone to things like this at all. She has been gone for four years and just came back for a year of schooling and rest. She will go back for another three or four year period after and will continue in this method... well, I guess until she is done.

It is beyond interesting talking to her. She lives a kind of transitory life style, living with various people in their mud-brick huts and facing myriad difficulties, from the obvious lack of electricity and modern amenities to the difficulties of living in a culture that is completely foreign and, by our standards, very sexist. She is unmarried and white and unskilled as far they are concerned and because of this, they don't know what to make of her. She is unable to farm because she is unable to own land and is therefor reliant on other people to give her food. Fortunately, the Cameroon people are part of a very generous culture and sharing the small sustenance they have is a normal part of their life.

Anna is strong and very smart, but she still struggles with loneliness and culture clash. I know that both Jenny and I miss her a lot and feel for her in dealing with her difficulties. She works with Wycliff Translators and takes in donations to keep her going. Please contact me if you are inclined to give to her. I will hook you up with her contacts at Wycliff. She also loves getting mail of any type (a four hour walk to town). She used to be an elementary teacher and loves to receive and respond to letters from children. I am looking forward to her visit again in June, before she returns to Africa.

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Nora Day

We went out for Nora's birthday today. She is getting so big... and old... and smart. For her birthday today she decided that she wanted to go to the MIT museum. Now before everyone bows down to her complete genius, please know, she had ulterior motives. We went this past summer and bought her one of those... hmm... hard to explain...filled with water and an oil solution...well, here is a picture at least. Nora's broke and she wanted another one. When we asked her where she wanted to go, she brought up MIT. This is Nora kind of smart... sharp memory and a definite plan to know what she wants and how to get it.

We went to Boston today. It was really nice... cold... but nice. Both Nora and Henry's favorite part, every time we go to Boston, is the subway. Henry actually complained today that he couldn't stay on the subway longer. They sat there... on their own, staring out of the window like they were flying through Disneyworld. 

The MIT museum is pretty cool. The best part, by far, is the Gestural Engineering display by Arthur Ganson. If I remember right, it was an "Arthur" cartoon, that we were watching this summer that had Ganson as a "guest appearance" that prompted us to go in the first place. Ganson's machines are so imaginative and graceful. We spent most of our time there, with a bit spent in the hologram exhibit as well. 

Nora retrieved her prize. We went out for a late lunch with the full intention of going to some cool Chinese food place. On the way we passed...the dreaded... McDonald's. This is Nora's kryptonite. We tried... we convinced... Jen actually stood outside for a bit... but it was Nora's birthday after all. We went in. 

McDonald's food is interesting. It tastes really good, there can be no argument over that. I just hate how after I eat... say... over 1000 calories worth of food, I still feel hungry. And, it seems to set me up for wanting to eat crappy things in the future. It's like there is some evil plot...dark minds in the background, enslaving the common people. Actually....there might be. 

We were home by 4:00. We asked Nora what she wanted for supper and she answered pretty quickly that she wanted Spaghetti and Meatballs. Actually, pasghetti and meatballs (love that). I have a mean recipe for meatballs, but I went a little heavy on the basil.. kind of messed them up a bit. But she was happy and that is what matters. We are having her party for family tomorrow. She is having (which means I am making) a Madeline cake.... blue dress or yellow? Visible appendectomy scar? or is that creepy? 

Happy Birthday Nora. 

Order in the chaos

The day after. We did clean and we did sort. We did it all first thing in the morning.... and it was good. The kids have their respective toys in their respective places. I actually succeeded in having them take out one toy at a time, play with it, and put it away before taking out another one. It wasn't all that hard either. It just took a lot of my attention... and that is ok with me. I also went back to Klems to get them to yank off a security tag that they had forgotten on a John Deer Sweatshirt that Henry got me for Christmas. (He knows me well).

Henry asked me to help him play with a "Snap circuit" game that we got him. I remember having something like this when I was little. I knew he would like it. We actually played for about an hour. He started off kind of slow. I think he was a bit overwhelmed, but after the first couple, he took right to it. He was making all sorts of things happen (there are just over a hundred little projects that can be made). Nora also took an interest. She is so smart... So I let her take a shot at it. Of course, she got it right away. They were both really into it! We talked about what makes a circuit and what a resistor does. We saw heard the speaker become quieter when the current passed through the resistor. We saw the fan move slower because the current passed through a light bulb first. It was a pretty great afternoon. They were so proud. Nora had just finished making a small plastic fan go around when she nudged it by mistake with her finger and the thing took off helicopter style right in the kitchen. We all kind of jumped back and laughed.... and then did it again and again.

It's Wednesday. Half way through winter break. I got a good jump on my correcting, the kids had a pretty great day. Things are good.

Christmas Morning

The build up is almost unbearable. I remember willing myself, desperately, to try to sleep so I would wake up and Christmas morning would be here. All of the specials... all of the songs... all of the waiting. I still love Christmas morning, and it has taken on a new kind of anticipation. I want my kids to feel that magic. I want them to wake up, and come down stairs and see the tree and be blown over by the spirit of it all. It takes some orchestrating. I don't want to buy everything in the world for them. I mean I can't anyway (hope they hate apple products because I don't see an ipad or, god forbid, an iphone, in their near future). But I want them to feel heard, to feel known. I think that is the magic of all of the presents at Christmas. It is knowing that somebody, be it Santa or otherwise, knows you well enough to understand who you are and what you like, and is generous enough to send you things to further your interests. It is kind of the opposite of that gift that you received from your distant great Aunt or Uncle that was nice enough to give you something, but had no real idea of who you were, and you knew that because they got you a book about baseball... because boys like baseball. Henry, above anything, wanted a squid hat this year. He had seen one at the big E and has remained wanting one since then. They don't sell squid hats very many places. Jenny actually found one on Free Cycle and we were able to do the impossible. We let Santa take the credit for that one. :) Generally though, Santa gets the second tier gifts and we take credit for the ones that really count.

I want them to feel heard and understood and cared for. I think Jenny and I do a pretty great job of that every year. Buying them things is like planning for their future. What ways  do we see them going in. What things do we know that they want to explore further. We don't really buy them much throughout the year... so Christmas is a pretty important time.

They freaked out today. Not in a good way either. The morning was incredible. I woke up... of course... two hours before anybody else (5:00) and waited for everyone to wake up. I turned on the Christmas lights... and read. 7:00 saw both Nora and Henry trooping downstairs, smiles beaming on their faces. I was aware enough to have had a video camera waiting and got them right when they saw the tree. YES! We go slow on Christmas mornings. If they want to explore a gift... they can. Although, Nora was all about blazing through gifts and Henry wanted nothing more than to explore the drawings on each of the pages of the books that we gave him. It was a bit hard to orchestrate. After the morning, I think that Nora was so hyped up that she couldn't calm down. She opened all of her games and mixed all of the pieces into a massive mound of chaos... it took forever to straighten out. They fought...there was chaos. When bed time finally came around, I went upstairs and sat with them and planned out tomorrow. Tomorrow we will clean each of their rooms. We will sort each of these toys and we will only have one out at a time. Order in the chaos.... hopefully the day will be a bit more .....sane.

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve always means partying with my Mom's side of the family. I love them... a lot.  We have a men's and women's yankee swap. We celebrate my Gramma's Birthday. There is so much food that it becomes impossible to stop eating it. I almost look forward to it more than Christmas morning... almost. I could really go on forever about how much I love them all. It is hard though to really get across, without going on and on, the sense of family that I have when I am with them.

Let it be enough to say that I miss them all, and that I look forward to this party all year long.

Chaucer in December

I woke up nice and early and went out for a walk this morning with Chaucer. I only intended for it to be a quick walk, but it turned out to be a pretty interesting, and much longer, experience. It was pleasantly cold. Some mornings that I walk with Chaucer in the winter are just plain cold cold. This one was crisp and nice. I was only going to walk to the river and back but as I neared the small bridge, Chaucer took off and met up with a man getting out of his truck. I have seen him around the park before, I have even spoken to him before. I used to think he was a ranger, but he isn't, just a hunter and dog enthusiast. His name is Dennis. He has two Labs, one yellow and one black. I went up to retrieve my retriever and he was patting him and taking out his own two dogs. I was ready for those cursory and quick "hi's" and "have a nice day's" but to my surprise he asked me to walk with him and his dogs. He was going to, as he always does, allow his dogs to ferret out pheasants in the fields and shrub brush that grow along the banks of the river. I.. to my own surprise... said "Ok."

Chaucer and his yellow lab, the male, didn't get along very well at first. Chauc isn't aggressive in the least, but he is really playful and sometimes other dogs, especially older dogs, don't take to that very well. They growled and played the whole "whose dominant" thing for a while, but the eventually calmed down and ran around together. The black lab (female) was friendlier until Chauc tried to get "too" friendly and she let him know that she wasn't interested, in no uncertain terms.

Dennis'  dogs are hunting dogs. They have been trained since they were 5 months old. It is pretty cool to see them do their thing. Dennis would point in a direction and both dogs would go off... about twenty feet away, and do these figure eights. They would then slowly trace their way back to him and that was that. A couple times they caught scent of a bird, signified by them wagging their tales in this spiral pattern. (the faster they spun their tales the stronger the scent). They never spooked up any birds, I guess a rarity in his experience, but it was great to see them do what they were born to do.

Labs really are born birding dogs. Their bodies come equipped for it. A lab's fur is hollow (to keep them warm after getting wet in the pursuit of ducks). Their feet are webbed. Their actions are instinctively aimed at retrieving game. I have seen it in Chaucer, even though he has never been trained for hunting in the slightest. If I throw a stick, he will fetch it and not bring it directly back to me. 9 out of 10 times he will run past me and then circle back to me and give me the stick. I have even seen him shake it out before handing it to me. This is all in an effort to bleed the thing out a bit before giving his game over to me. He just does it... programmed in.

When I was ready to go, Dennis handed me his card and asked me if I wanted to train Chaucer to be a bird dog. Chaucer is a very big lab... not one of those petite, long-nosed ones. He has a huge head and is very muscular. Dennis kept on commenting on what great shape he is in, and I have to admit, Chaucer has these back legs that have visibly huge muscles in them... probably a combination of genetics and the fact that I hike him out so often. I was kind of taken aback at his invitation. I wasn't expecting it. Dennis told me that when a dog trains with dogs that are already well trained, the training goes really fast. He asked me if I wanted to go with him to a private reserve in Connecticut that he and his friends go to in the off season. (Visions of "the Most Dangerous Game" flashed through my head)  I am not a hunter. Really... I don't have a lot of desire to shoot things and eat them. I am an outdoors kind of guy... just not really a gun kind of guy. But something in me wants to go. I just want to see Chaucer in his element. I don't know. It just seems so republican. "I am going out bird hunting with the guys today my wife. Maybe we can talk about money over a fire when I come home and I can smoke cigars and wear a tie." I don't know... it's just not me.

Still though, I still have his card... maybe. We walked through the brush on these barely visible paths, Chaucer followed his dogs and I could tell he was loving it. We walked for about an hour and finally decided to give up the hunt. No pheasants had scared up and apparently we were at the end of his route. Chaucer was acting satisfied and had no problem walking with me away from the other two dogs. As we were taking our last turn back toward my car, at a place where I normally throw sticks into the river for Chaucer to retrieve, a huge explosion of whooshing pops scared me senseless as a pheasant flew out of the pine trees just ahead of me.... Chaucer remained unimpressed.

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Of goats and God

Our Christmas Service at Cana Community Church is at a barn. I love saying that. It's true, we do meet at a barn. A real barn. There are rabbits and guinea pigs in the same room with us and goats and chickens just around the corner. We meet at the Heifer Project here in Rutland. We started meeting there because the college that we used to meet at was closed for the holidays... we couldn't meet anywhere else, so off we go, out to the barn. Sound familiar?

Christmas service appeals to me on so many levels. I am really not a city person at heart. I deal well with meeting every Sunday in Worcester... but I much rather being around here in the woods. Heifer is nothing if not in the woods.

Christ came to earth and was born in a stable... and we have made palaces... truly... palaces to try to meet with Him again. I love good architecture, don't get me wrong. Those buildings were made to inspire and awe us and I am one of those that are truly affected by their beauty. Get me in front of a stained glass rose window and I will stare for hours. I just think that while beauty is wonderful, God is something more wonderful if we allow Him to be humble and low... as He wanted to be. Christmas in a barn is good.

The Heifer Project is a National, Non-Profit organization created to sustainably feed impoverished people and nations. It isn't just a barn, it is a barn with a mission and that mission is, in my mind, perfectly aligned with what the true mission of the church should be.

We sing Christmas Carols and read passages from personal accounts and from the Bible. We have communion in the cold with the barn animals around us. I love it when things fall into place... when everything aligns, and I love Christmas Services at my church.

btw... if any of you reading feel so obliged, Heifer takes donations... you can donate animals to families in other countries... they make it pretty easy. Just click here and be taken to their donation page.

Christmas before Christmas

We had Jenny's side of the family down for Christmas today. Jenny made scalloped potatoes with carrots and string beans. She has a killer recipe for scalloped potatoes and we made the mother load this morning. Two huge, 2 foot by 1 foot pans of the glorious stuff. She actually baked an entire ham last night for three hours just for the scalloped potatoes today. It smelled....very very good in here, all day long. Polly and Rich showed up early and helped Jenny out a ton. It was nice to have everyone here. Henry got his first Magic the Gathering cards (these may be the first of many steps down that road) and Nora got a couple Barbies and Mousetrap (we have already played a game and it is far easier than I remember when I was little... more fun too). Among a spattering of gift cards (all very much appreciated), I got season one of Gilligan's Island. I can't tell you how happy I am about that. I have already watched the first of 36 episodes.

Gilligan's Island is dear to me. It is what I remember preferring to watch when I was tiny and sick.. and not so tiny and not so sick. I love the show... it is the macaroni and cheese of television shows. Nothing overly spicy (although there is that Marianne). Nothing too meaty. Nothing but soft, gooey, pleasant melt in your brain goodness. It started in 1961, ten years before I was around. When I was old enough to start watching it, the reruns ran constantly on 25 and.... I think 56... and I sat and let the captain's meaty hands sweep the time away.

The show doesn't run on TV anymore, and I am really thankful for the Hawkins' thoughtful gift.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip...

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The Queen

It has taken this long for me to build up enough courage to walk up to some stranger and ask if it is alright to take a picture of them.... almost a year. She was really nice about it too. She, of course, works for Dairy Queen, and is holding my favorite Ice cream of all time... the renowned "Cherry Sundae with salted peanuts" I know I have written about it before. I know I have mentioned its tart, deeply tasty goodness, but it is worth mentioning again.

We remortgaged our house today.... a much better rate, and really all thanks to Jenny. She pursued it and is responsible for our saving a ton of money in the long term. It is strange to hear money of this amount talked about..Crazy to hear that kind of money mentioned so casually. A couple of days ago I was watching Selling NewYork. The show follows three realty companies as the sell apartments to people moving around New York city. These people have so much money. It's crazy actually for me to think about it. We have a nice little house. It is comfy... and really, quite little, even by standards around Rutland. I'm happy, don't get me wrong. We are doing just fine with what we have... It just amazes me when someone with real money talks about it. It's like a whole different world than mine. And there seem to be quite a few people swimming in that quite of wealth... I mean honestly, New York couldn't be described as small by any means, and it is packed with people spending tons of money attempting to live there... and New York is only one of many many cities in the US... and now lets talk about the world... There is a lot of money out there. This specific episode saw a woman looking to rent an apartment for $15,000 a month. She wasn't satisfied by the location and settled on an apartment in a better location for $26,000.

This is beyond my imagining. I know I am a teacher. I get it. I don't really work for money. I work for time spent with my kids, but man, if I could just have a tiny taste of money like that, it would solve a lot of difficulties around here. How do you even earn that kind of money? I thought about what those people, the realtors and the buyers, would think about our house. I can only imagine it would be just as impossible for them to imagine living here, in our, essentially, one-room-downstairs, open concept, tiny tiny little cape of a house. I like my life. I do. But there are worlds I know nothing about.

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As Glass

Ice storm. It is cold and difficult. It took about half an hour of warming up the car to cut through the stuff.

It was really a hard day all around. I haven't watched the news. I listened to NPR on the way to school and I do know the generalities of the school shooting in Connecticut. We had a two hour delay today, but I got to school pretty much at the normal time. I walked in to the nearly deserted school, and it wouldn't leave my mind...Of course it wouldn't leave my mind... I hold this place to be a place of safety and of love. To have the thought of that shattered in such a way is to lose a great deal. I believe in a public consciousness. I believe that people together create an understanding and that our hopes and futures are built on this. School is meant to be a place of building understanding and trust.... of learning about life, about who we are and about how to negotiate through what life hands us successfully. The world took a terrible hit Friday.

It is a complex and tragically awful thing that happened. It is not as simple as gun control or no gun control. It is a mishandling, a terrible and impacting result of loose ends that came together in the worst way possible. We can call it evil, and it is, but it is also human. We can jump to call it other than that. I know that I want to do just that. Call it something that is beyond us. Make it so foreign as to be completely alien. But here it is in our laps...one state away.

I have avoided any pictures of the shooter. I don't want to see his face. I don't want to draw conclusions based on his race, wealth, position, expression. I am not entirely sure why. I just don't want to see him. I want him to be this amorphous human that exploded everywhere and destroyed the absolute thing that I hold to be most dear.... children. Henry's age. God help me I just don't want to see him. I don't want to know why... Can we really ever know why? Isn't the question too desperate? Too beyond my understanding?  I don't want to hear news programs jump to the best fitting conclusion that they can come up with, because I know that it will be so much more than that. I don't think we can just write it off as mental illness... Of course it is mental illness. It can't be anything other than illness.

I walked into school today dreading the questions that might be raised. I have no answers. No real answers. I want to assure them that they are safe, and statistically, they are very safe. But deep down I am questioning the same things they are. Not that the school that I work in isn't safe. It is. But that deeper question. Am I safe? Are we all safe?      The unthinkable just happened.

Are we safe?

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Contrition

Henry met greatness today. Santa came to visit the cubscouts. He was a pretty great Santa too. I could see the tension building in Henry. Nora just completely refused to go anywhere near him. Henry knew that it wasn't the real Santa... but it WAS Santa's helper and I think that the direct connection was almost too much for him to bear. He went right to the back of the line. I saw him fiddle with his hands while he waited. When he got there, next to the one that judges him to be worthy or not, he kept his eyes averted, his voice was so low that Santa had to ask him twice what he wanted. He was nervous... I know what he really wanted: Skylanders (I am betting that Santa has that in the bag for him this year anyway btw) but instead of telling him what he really wanted, he went with what the kid ahead of him went for: Pokemon.

He was actually pale when he walked away.... I could read his thoughts right from off of his face, "thank      god      that     is     over."

Santa has some serious power.

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Home Alone

It has crept its way into the canon. I hold somethings pretty dear to my heart. Christmas specials are a part of those things. They will never really be as they were when I was a kid: When there was only five channels on TV, the networks plus 25, 56, and 27, although 27 didn't really count. (for some reason I only remember things in Spanish and occasionally religious programming being on there.)  Then, magically, one day, a special would be on channel 5, or 7 or 4. We would camp out in the living room and soak up the glory of it all. Now, they come on the 400 or so channels and we tivo them and then watch them at our leisure. Or... we could always just tune in to the 24 hour Christmas special network and watch them all day long... in June. Sometimes too much availability ruins things. Specials were a bit more special then, but we try to recreate them here. Yes, we tivo them. But we don't allow our kids to chain watch them. We pick a night and watch whatever is in the tivo cue.

Tonight was Home Alone. Who ever dreamed up this show was pure genius. It is as backward thinking as it gets if you try to consider the plot to be up for a Christmas Special... but in the end, the bad guys get whats coming to them (something less than the turning heart of the Grinch though, but still ok), the scary guys prove good, the family gets back together and the true meaning of Christmas, balanced against the frivolity of wealth, comes shining through. Plus, we get to see some pretty great Three-Stoogesesque slap stick. When Marv gets that spider on his face and screams like a tormented, B-movie actress, it is nothing but pure joy on this end.

Henry couldn't sit down at all throughout the whole movie... he was up and cringing, laughing...ducking. Home Alone, the first one anyway, really deserves to be there, in the canon of Christmas Specials....... Plus the soundtrack is awesome!

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from the deep

We were having shrimp and pasta, and I was shopping anyway, so I picked up some freshly cleaned squid. It is always so cheap, but I never quite know how its going to come out. Soetimes it is so tender, and well, not really flavorful, but at least tender. Other times it is like eating a tire. This time it came out somewhere in the middle. Henry, of course loves it. He takes special joy in eating the tentacles. Nora won't even com near the stuff.  It is kind of a mystery to me. Cleaning it is so interesting though. Squid really is as close to sci fi, life out of space, as we get here on earth. Cleaning it is so weird, they have this cartalagonous skeleton that is clear and looks exactly like plastic. Strange stuff. I had the best calamari at a restaurant once. I believe it was breaded and fried and served with cherry peppers? So amazingly good. Anyone know some good recipes for squid?

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3 hr project

It is time to give in. I have been completely broken down and my defenses are at my feet. I have no will left and no way of pushing it off any further. I must give our awful looking stairs a railing.

There are no good reasons to avoid it anyway. Its just that... I hate our stairs. Putting a railing on them is like putting racing stripes on a junker. Still, people we love need to be able to make it up those stairs. But for me to consider what kind of railing is to consider what would look appealing and that is an impossibility. What they really need to have done is for me to tear them down... they look like construction stairs... and for me to rebuild them. But I don't have the skills required. Cement doesn't get along with me that well. So, I have given in and have built the railing. $60.00 worth of wood and three hours of labor.

I am actually kind of proud of them. I know... I know I said I hate them. But I did do alright I think. I tried to match our back porch. I don't have awesome wood working tools like a table saw (which would have come in more than handy). I built the thing with a drill, a circular saw, a hand saw, a square and a socket set. This is why I am proud. I didn't even have to look online! I ripped the four by fours with a circular saw that didn't even reach all the way through. I had to flip the things... and it didn't look like the forts I built when I was a kid.....thank god.

At any rate... not bad for a project concieved, bought for, and completed in a Sunday afternoon. :)

cookies

Christmas cookies

Sweet...salty...buttery. These are things of joy. I have never actually iced them before... at least that I can remember. The icing is incredibly easy. Just a fork, a bowl, a lob of confectioners sugar, a drop vanilla and couple tablespoons of milk. Stir it a few times and it magically comes together. Divide into a few other bowls and put one drop of food coloring in and there you go. Instant goodness. I bought some cookie cutters a while back. I saw some show, or it might have been a magazine article, about how to do designs in royal icing. It is very similar to those cool designs people do in coffee with cream: toothpicks and knowhow. I gave it a shot, and to my surprise, it is pretty easy to make things look pretty good. They also taste really really good. 

I remember when I worked for Barnes and Noble for a while. The sugar cookies were nearly forbidden. The amount of calories in those suckers trumps every other cookie by a huge margin. They are sitting in my kitchen right now... waiting.... waiting. I am only eating one a day. I am letting the kids have way more than that. 

We are planning on making chocolate chip for Santa. mmm Chocolate Chip, Santa likes those too. 

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...in the machine

I was riding in the car today, looking at Christmas lights, and I noticed a factory that I had never seen before. It had green kind of glowingish looking windows in that sterile modern kind of way. It looked kind of ominous, like a Stepford Wives plant, (This is the way my mind works) and it hit me how much trust I had in people. That place could be pumping out evil in all sorts of ways... I don't know... like mustard gas or something. Things that could kill us all, and I pay it no heed because I trust that they wouldn't be. I know we have inspections and law enforcement and all sorts of things in place to protect us, but honestly, it could probably happen anyway. If people in general were devious enough. But people in general aren't. People in general are not trying to kill each other, well, in outward, obvious ways at least.
This hits me while I am driving on the highway sometims. The amount of trust that I have that the person passing me, or coming the other way down the road, won't do something crazy is astonishing. Every one seems to stay in their lane for the most part. Again, I know this isn't because of general good will and is much more about self-protection, but still...it all seems to work. People are generally busying along, trying to do good for the general population. It's like we are a bunch of little ants carrying our little bits of things for the colony, and I am a part of that. I don't see myself as that type of person. I am much to.... thoughtful...selfish...aware... to be a cog in a machine. I am the Neo that takes the red pill. I think! And yet, I am a total cog... educating the masses for their own positions in the machine. How did it come to this? How did I become The Man? Why do I appear to be happy about it? Is this my midlife crisis knocking? Am I going to grow my hair out and buy a motorcycle soon?

Total Cog.

tannenbaum

We went out and got our Christmas tree today. There are parts of this tradition that stand out as incredibly special in this process. We always get a live tree. I know some people don't do this. I know that there is great argument for not getting one. I know that it is a lot of money for a tree that slowly dies (or quickly) in my living room over a month or two. I know it's pine tree genocide... I know... I know... I just can't get a plastic one. It's like drum sets. I just can't go electric. I need the wood. I need the real. This balsam fir sitting beside me smells so good right now. I can't go without it. 

We generally go to the Lion's club trailer that sits behind the bank in the center of town. The whole atmosphere there is something special to me. I love the bare lightbulbs strung up in rectangular patterns above the trees that are leaning against the wooden frames. The trailer, lit from inside. Nelson Calkins used to sit in that trailer. He owned the house that our first apartment was in. He was old then, bent and slow, but incredibly kind. That was years ago...gees... well over ten years now. Every year that we got our tree, he would be there. It was sometimes the only time we would see him during the year. He is truly a sweet old man. He is still kickin. I half expected to see him there tonight, but I know that was a bit wishful in my thinking. He is very very old now. 

We bought our tree today. It's big! It might be the biggest we have ever had. I actually had to go out and buy a new tree stand this morning. I researched it online before I sought it out. This one is a really good one. Last year our tree took a tumble. I can't have that anymore: So I went out and picked up one of the best one's I could find. It's steel... heavy.... it is made for 12 foot tall trees and our tree is probably half that. It was a total dream to use. 

It's early for us to have a tree. We generally wait till the week before, but we are much earlier than that this year. We have a family tree: the kind with ornaments from all of our childhoods. I love this. I have ornaments from my parents, ornaments made by both of my grandmothers. We have ornaments from Jenny's kindergarten classes, from Nora's and Henry's early years. It is a piece of family history displayed in our living room. 

Both kids were excited... overly actually. They ran around the house and looked at the lights. When it came time to hang the ornaments, they stepped right up and took turns. They had a bit of tough time getting to sleep... just like they should on a such a special night. 

db

Advent tageous

Dec 1st. Nora went out of her mind yesterday when she remembered about the Advent calendar's return. We bought this awesome advent calendar years ago. It's wood and has great little cubbies for god-know's-what. We fill it with pieces of candy, tiny little toys, and notes about special things that we are going to do that night. (like watching a specific Christmas special, going out in the car to look at the Christmas lights, making Christmas Cookies, etc.)  The kids get to open one every night after supper. For Nora, this is a blessing and a curse. The girl is under incredible temptation... Honestly, she can barely contain herself. She isn't allowed to peek. It is good practice for the bigger deal of hiding presents in the house and having them remain secret.

I always knew where my parents hid the presents... in their closet. Honestly, I never peaked. They made it completely clear that peaking would ruin Christmas morning, and I was all about surprises on Christmas morning. I told Henry and Nora the same. They know where the presents are...most of them anyway. If they want to sneak and peak, they can. They don't though. I know they love the surprises as much as I did, and still do.

This little advent calendar is great practice for both of them. Henry is fine with waiting. Nora.... walks up and strokes the side of the house... opens the door that they already opened tonight...finds the next number ahead of time... wrings her hands and jumps. She went to bed tonight with another warning not to peak. She wailed, "I won't remember! I can't remember anything" Jenny translated for me. "Nora doesn't think she has the willpower to withstand the temptation."

Poor girl :)

db